Because the sunflower was for the Christina who didn’t know all that lived inside of her. It was for the skeptical, arm crossed, logical, enthusiast.
The new Christina is still all of those things, but has found so much more inside, too.
After another sleepless night this past December, I made my coffee, grabbed my book, and went outside to sit and read under a tree.
Its highly unusual for me not to hit the ground running, and even more unusual for me to choose to be cold, but I felt a calling to be outside. It is one way among many that things are shifting for me.
The last chapter of the book was titled, “Living As If Your Place in the World Mattered.” In it, I heard message about soul work, purpose and letting go.
“Inner work, if you are doing it right, is meant to disrupt life as you know it. It requires that you plant roots and live a new, authentic life that is big enough to hold all that you are now.”
“A vision without a task is just a dream.”
What really struck me was the notion that:
I have a responsibility to express what I hold to be my purpose.
If I was put on this earth to serve a purpose, an idea that has not always been obvious to me, I need to show up for my life right now.
Often I’ve come across stories about the universal human struggle for meaning and purpose.
I took these questions to my spiritual teachers because I didn’t identify with them. A purpose never occurred to me.
I took life at face value, living out the story that we are on this planet, doing our thing, and at some point, we’ll transition to another form of life. Or maybe we’ll just lay in the ground.
The lines from this book felt like a call to action. It didn’t feel like I was being given a choice.
It was a directive and one that implied that this was serious business.
So at the end of December 2020, holding a book in my back yard, I remembered my life purpose statement; something I had written in 2009 as part of a coaching class, now stuck somewhere in a spiral notebook.
“I am the ocean waves pushing you towards your birthright.”
It was as if I could feel the waves glide over me as I remembered that life purpose statement. They seemed to be gently nudging me towards something.
There was joy and clarity, lightness and intelligence within that nudge.
My own inner work has prepared me to step into this purpose with magnitude, strength, and presence.
It is my birthright to show up fully. To take up space. To hold both mystery and certainty.
And to be wild and free.
Just like the ocean.
I felt like I belonged. I belonged to myself and I belonged to this world. I felt connected to something so much bigger than me.
Everything feels clear to me now. Going full circle and stumbling back to my life purpose statement tethers me to something.
I know my purpose but I only know it because I knew it for you, first.
All these years of working with clients in a helping role, I have held that belief for each of them.
Very consciously, I saw returning you to your birthright was my work, but it never occurred to me that I had a birthright, as well. That was for other people.
But that isn’t true.
That morning, I left my tree, knowing what my branding and logo would be (the poor branding consultant I hired had no idea what the hell happened to the old me with my sunflower!). My husband had bought a painting for me this past Christmas (read more about that here).
I knew that the painting reflected who I was discovering I was becoming.
Two days later, I showed my design to Wrenn, the artist. I wanted her blessing which she so generously gave. Even more beautiful is the fact that I met Wrenn in an Enneagram group; we’ve been doing our inner work side by side for a couple of years now.
The universe always has my back.
The image speaks of infinite wisdom, depth, and beauty. It speaks of calm and power. And of our sacred connection to nature and each other. It speaks of utility and love.
I want that for us. For you and for me.
When you remember who you are, you remember all of this.
It is you, but you must wake up to it. You must do your own inner work to find it.
And in doing so, you invite others to do the same.
I’m so glad you are on this journey with me.
My gratitude is infinite.